Weaning off Paxil

Yesterday and today I have done nothing but cry, well that's not true. I've been holding back my tears today until I meet with my case manager. She knows my life situation and may be able to make me feel a little bit better. Yesterday I cried all day, and when I didn't I felt numb. My mother was no comfort.

I was taking Welbutrin, Paxil, and Risperdone with Klonopin as needed. Well after the Paxil was added about a month ago I started getting hot flashes (which I had NEVER had before) crying for absolutely no reason at all and my period was 3 weeks late. The doc and I decided to wean me off the Paxil. I mean, do I really need 2 antidepressants? That remains to be seen.

I've been off the Paxil 2 days now, and as I mentioned they're not going well. I don't know how in words to emphasize how much I do not want to be on all these medications just to feel sane. I've been battling with medications since my initial diagnosis in 2010. Seroquil gave me awful night terrors, Depakote made me gain 40 lbs and my hair fall out in clumps,  Abilify makes me burn in direct sunlight. And when I find something that seems to work, like Saphris, it costs too much. I was on that then my coverage changed and I couldn't afford it anymore.

I've found sites online that say weaning off Paxil is as bad as weaning off Heroin. There are even websites solely dedicated to quitting Paxil. I know it causes birth defects in pregnant women, so that's never a good sign.

I really feel hopeless. I can't work and I barely get by on my disability check. I have a mountain of debt I will never be able to pay off and thus my credit is shot. I'll never be able to afford my own home or have children (I'm not passing my bipolar genes off to anyone). I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I feel like I've lived my life. All I do is help out my folks with crap around their house and visit my grandmother. I even tried submitting this blog for Google AdSense for some extra income and I was declined. Of course they never say why.