More Bipolar Myths Debunked

Hello everyone! I hope I'm finding you in good spirits today. I wanted to cover some more myths about bipolar disorder that society perpetuates. When individuals fall prey to these myths patients are not as compliant with treatment and they do not work as diligently to recover, family members may often distance themselves and offer less-than-optimal support, and mental health professionals negatively impact progress by failing to motivate their patients and by not engaging in comprehensive treatment. Todays information comes from the BP magazine and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA).

Myth: There's no cure for bipolar
Reality: There may be no cure in theory, but there are many strategies to use to successfully manage your life. The fact is that there’s no cure for life itself. When difficult situations arise, you either confront them or seek help from others. The same is true in dealing with bipolar disorder.


Myth: Bipolar disorder is all in your head.
Reality: Conditions like bipolar disorder are real, biological medical conditions that can be diagnosed and treated. There are many outspoken individuals who have made a career of misinforming the public about the true nature of bipolar disorder. While they argue that the illness cannot exist because the exact biological defect has not been discovered, they fail to recognize that the same is true for high fever, yet it is no less an ailment. A wide variety of medical tests including brain scans (MRIs, CTs) reveal the difference between a bipolar brain and a normal, healthy one. To ignore or distort the science behind bipolar disorder is simply irresponsible.


Myth: Bipolar disorder is a personal problem not a societal problem.
Reality: Bipolar disorder is everyone’s problem. In fact, the impact bipolar disorder has on society is shown in the following statistics:

• Bipolar disorder is the sixth leading cause of disability worldwide with more than 5.7 million people affected. (World Health Organization)
• People living with bipolar disorder spend as much as one-fourth of their adult lives in the hospital, live one-fourth of their adult lives disabled, and lose as many as 14 years of cumulative productivity. Bipolar disorder results in 9.2 years reduction in estimated life span, and as many as one in five living with bipolar disorder commits suicide. (National Institute of Mental Health)
• The unemployment rate for people with severe and persistent mental disorders, including bipolar, is close to 90 percent. (U.S. Surgeon General Report on Mental Health, 1999)
• Bipolar disorder costs the U.S. economy $45 billion annually. (Wyatt and Henter, 1995)
• The combined indirect and related costs of mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, including costs of lost productivity, lost earnings, and societal costs, are estimated to total $148 billion. (National Institute of Mental Health, 1999)

Indeed, society pays a huge price, both financially and in terms of human suffering.


Myth: Medications that treat mood disorders are habit-forming. They can change a person’s personality. A person can’t be “clean and sober” while taking medication.
Reality: When properly prescribed and used, medications are not addictive and do not change a person’s true personality. Medications help a person’s mood become more stable and even. They are not “happy pills” and should not be compared to street drugs. They do not cloud a person’s judgment or give a false sense of courage.


Myth: I haven’t found the right medication yet.
Reality: There’s more to recovery than finding the right medication. Today, in an increasingly scientific-based psychiatric community, it can be difficult to remember that drugs are not a panacea. Medication does nothing to change a person’s underlying assumptions, false beliefs, or negative thinking. A prescription does not teach anyone effective behaviors nor can it generate positive reinforcers. Finding the right medication that yields results with minimal side effects is an essential ingredient in recovery, but it alone is not the answer.


Myth: People with bipolar are dangerous.
Reality: Research shows that people with mental illness do not commit significantly more violent acts than people in the general population. However, people with mental illness are twice as likely to be victims of violence.


Myth: People with bipolar disorder shouldn't have children.
Reality: People who have been treated for mood disorders can parent as well as anyone else. They are also more likely to recognize symptoms, treat their children early and understand their children’s struggles if their children have mood disorders. Personally, I am not going to have bilogical children because I would never wish this disroder on anyone.


Myth: People with depression or bipolar disorder are not stable enough to hold positions of authority in fields like law enforcement or government.
Reality: People with mood disorders can and do hold positions of authority

everywhere. When properly treated, a person’s mood disorder does not have to affect job performance. Persoanlly, I have tried to reenter the workforce and was not able to. My symptoms are too severe to allow me to enter the workforce. I also have a long unexplainable gap in my work history.

 

 

I hope some of these debunked myths have been brought more to light for you and you can share this information with friends who are unfamilar with the disorder. Education is the key. The more people know about bipolar, the less stigma there will be. Have a wonderful day!

Brain Damage and Bipolar

Hello Everyone, I hope I'm finding you in good spirits! Today I wanted to explore the possibility of bipolar disorder causing brain damage. I know personally I can't recall much of my college courses. There are gaps in my memory. My case manager form the local mental health authority told me she's pretty sure manic episodes cause permanent damage in the brain. That's why the doctors try to keep us level on meds. Since she didn't seem too sure I decided to do some looking myself. Here's what I found:

Bipolar disorder does in fact cause damage to the brain. A study by researchers at the San Francisco VA Medical Center indicates that people with bipolar disorder may suffer progressive brain damage. 

“For the first time, our study supports the idea that there may be on-going damage to certain regions of the brain as the illness progresses,” said the study’s lead author Raymond Deicken, MD. Deicken is the medical director of the Psychiatric Partial Hospital Program at the San Francisco VA Medical Center and UCSF associate professor of psychiatry."

The study appears in the May issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry.

"Researchers determined chemical signatures of different brain structures in these two groups using proton magnetic resonance spectroscopy. One finding focused on the level of an amino acid called N-acetylaspartate, or NAA, in the hippocampus, which is made up of a right and left half and is part of a complex of neural circuits in the brain that regulate emotion and memory.
 
The study found significantly lower concentrations of NAA in the right hippocampus of males with bipolar disorder when compared to the control group. They also found that for the right hippocampus, bipolar patients who had the disease the longest had the lowest levels of the amino acid. This association between length of illness and NAA appears to be confined to certain brain regions since it was not found in previous studies that involved the frontal lobe and thalamus.

NAA is the second most abundant amino acid-next to glutamate-present in brain tissue. It is a biochemical indicator of the presence of neurons and axons, plays an important role in the synthesis of neuronal proteins, and is a precursor of myelin, which acts as insulation around neurons in the brain.

“Low NAA is an indication that the integrity of neurons and/or axons has been compromised in some way, either by damage, loss or dysfunction,” Deicken said. The decrease of hippocampal NAA over time in the test subjects indicates a progressive nature of this disease. Decreasing levels of NAA are also seen in neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, and multiple sclerosis.

According to Deicken, the findings also confirm the important role of the hippocampus in bipolar disorder. Brain imaging studies of patients suffering from major depression have demonstrated smaller hippocampi. Given that bipolar disorder also affects mood and emotion, it is not surprising that this study provides evidence for hippocampal damage or dysfunction in the disorder.  The hippocampus is also important from a therapeutic standpoint since it is one of two brain regions where new neuronal growth, or neurogenesis, can occur, offering hope for reversal of damage.
NAA measurements may also help us to understand how medications work in bipolar disorder.

Additional authors of the study include Robert Feiwell, MD, UCSF assistant clinical professor of radiology; Brain Soher, PhD, SFVAMC Magnetic Resonance Unit; Mary P. Pegues, MSW, and Susan Anzalone, BA, research associates, SFVAMC Psychiatry Service. Deicken’s research was supported by the National Institute of Mental Health and a Stanley Foundation Research Award from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill." Source



Stephen M. Stahl, M.D., Ph.D. suggests neurons may be damaged by the very process of ferrying angry, malfunctioning chemical and electrical events. As symptoms are shipped about the brain, they may leave behind weakened or sinking neurons due to the triggering of neuronal death by apoptosis or necrosis. Some symptoms may be associated with the fading away of neurons by a quiet process of designer cell death called apoptosis. Other symptoms may be associated with excitotoxic neuronal explosions due to chemical failure and, ultimately, messy necrosis. He too suggests staying on medication to prevent future damage. Source


"A lengthy review article by Carrie Bearden PhD et al of the University of Pennsylvania published in Bipolar Disorders cites "findings of persistent neuropsychological deficits" in long-term bipolar patients, even when tested in symptom-free states. The relationship between these deficits and length of illness led the authors to suggest that "episodes of depression and mania may exact damage to learning and memory systems." An article by FC Murphy PhD and BJ Sahakian PhD of Cambridge University in the British Journal of Psychiatry draws a similar conclusion: "The balance of evidence ... supports a hypothesis of residual cognitive impairments."

Father Time appears to be a major factor. Dr Bearden et al cite a study that found that chronic, multiple-episode patients exhibited more severe cognitive impairment than younger patients or patients who remit, and that these impairments were not restricted to their affective episodes. The same study found 40 percent of the patients were rapid-cyclers. Another study found that of 25 patients initially hospitalized with mania with no signs of cognitive impairment, one third showed significant cognitive impairment five to seven years later.

Also, it appears that our current bipolar medications actually repair and protect brain cells, which is one of the better arguments for staying compliant. Further research in this area may produce new drugs with enhanced neuroprotective properties." Source


Here are some more useful links with study abstracts:
Increased excitotoxicity and neuroinflammatory markers in postmortem frontal cortex from bipolar disorder patients

Acute mania is accompanied by elevated glutamate/glutamine levels within the left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex.

Frontal lobe function in bipolar disorder: A multichannel near-infrared spectroscopy study


It looks like we do have some damage occuring after all. Just one more reason to stay on our meds instead of seeking that manic high. What are your thoughts?

Music Featuring Bipolar - B.O.B.

Hello everyone! Today I wanted to touch on a song that describes or features bipolar disorder. One of my favorite songs is Out of My Mind by B.O.B., a rap song. It's catchy and I think is lyricaly creative incorporating bipolar disorder. Some of his lyrics read as follows:

I'm, I'm, I'm
Out of my, out of my mind
Out of my fucking mind

[Verse 1: B.o.B]
I'm out of my fucking mind, gee, gee, golly, oh my
I was doing fine, once upon a time
Then my brain left and it didn't say bye
Don't look at me wrong; I'm out of my mind
Like Nostradamus and da Vinci combined
So paranoid of espionage
I'm watching my doors and checking my blinds
My brain is on vacation, they telling me
And I'm bi-polar to the severity
And I need medication, apparently
And some electrocompulsive therapy
I am a rebel, but yes, I'm so militant
Still I'm illegible for disabilities
I am psychotic but there is no remedy
This is not figurative, this is literally
If these niggas go dumb, I go to the mental facility
See, man I'm so out there, I slap fives with ET
I don't need a feature
They don't want me to eat A La Carte when I'm on this beat
If you feel the same as me, then you got to agree
I'm out of my mind

[Interlude: B.o.B]
I'm out of it
I can't seem to come out of it
What's going on inside of my head?
It feels like I'm being John Malkovich
Ladies and gentlemen, please tone it down a bit
There is an announcement, I like to announce (It...)
Wait, how am I suppose to pronounce this shit?

[Verse 3: B.o.B]
I don't need a sub, I don't a speaker
Cause a nigga bring the noise like an onomatopoeia
Leave him in the dust, all he see is my Adidas
Na na na na boo boo, wouldn't want to be ya
Never turning back, how you think I got here?
And I'm never slowing down, fuck was that a deer?
If you got a problem, step to the office
Matter fact, never mind, talk to the Kiosk, bi-atch
You have no idea
That's why they call me B dot; been a maniac ever since I was knee-high
Man, I swear to God, I'mma need help
Someone call Charter; maybe call FEMA
Cause I got to be crazy or outta my mind to have this many stamps on my VISA

 

 

Follow this link to watch the music video and leanr more about B.O.B. and his music. I wish the nurses in the psych ward were really that hot, lol. I'm hoping to continue to feature bipolar songs and lyrics in future blog entries. I hope you enjoyed this song! Stay tuned for more!

Why Does Evil Exist?

For those of you who haven't read my past blogs about Betty J Eadie, years ago she had a very detailed near-death experience where she did in fact die for a matter of minutes. Within those moments she moved on to the afterlife and met Jesus  as well as others who had passed on before her. In her text Embraced by the Light she recalls the experience in as much details as she can remember. I receive Betty's e-newsletter in my inbox and wanted to share an excerpt from one of her texts, The Ripple Effect. Click here if you'd like to sign up for her newsletter. Link to her website.

I just ordered her text The Ripple Effect via the Internet over Amazon. This text has many answers that Betty Eadie has given that others have asked about her Near Death Experience. In it she shows the Ripple Effect we have on other people through our thoughts and actions. Once I receive and read this text I will review it on here as well. Let's now look at an excerpt.

"But why does evil exist at all? The answer is that our spirits grow faster and stronger through adversity. The pain of experiencing wrong doing and loss burns into our souls and encodes itself into our cells and our energy. The lessons we learn from our troubles become part of our very essence. Negative experiences also grant us the power of empathy, to see others as we see ourselves, to comprehend joys and sorrows and all the human impulses. As our eyes are opened and we grow in empathy, our ability to love unconditionally increases. To develop our highest potential, to become like God, we need to gain that love which only opposition allows us to gain. Without an opposing energy, our power to love would never be strengthened sufficiently to allow us to progress in the eternities." –The Ripple Effect, pp 81-82

This, to me, makes complete sense. As a sufferer of bipolar I can assure you that becoming homeless, bouncing in and out of the psych ward, and adult foster care have given me a whole new perspective of people with mental illness. I can now empathize with others in a whole new way. Before I was diagnosed and went manic I was an simply an only child who was raised in a lower middle class family. All my needs were taken care of. I went to college and successfully graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I got a great job straight out of college making 50k my firts year and blew through it as fast as I made it. There was no way I would be able to relate to the random homeless person on the street. Now I can.

Now, seeing things through a whole new set of eyes, I have learned how few resources are available for someone with a mental health issue. I've also learned how quickly and easily our rights can be stripped from us. It's scary. I've learned what a 5150 is and hopefully I've learned how to now avoid them. If you're personally seeking some online support I suggest MDJunction.com. It's a free support group website where you can ask and find many solutions and comfort from others going through exactly what you're going through. If you're looking for a more personal experience try searching for a local DBSA chapter (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance). I use both.

I empathize with celebrities in the news like Amanda Bynes who are struggling as well with mental health issues. My all time favorite celebrity, Britney Spears, had a notorious breakdown in 2007 after her break up with Kevin Federline and shaved her head. In an interview she denies "going crazy" but admits she was dealing with a lot and it was a form of rebellion. She the short snippet of interview here. In 2008 she was put on a 5150, an involuntary 72hr psych evaluation. Read about it here. Her father was granted guardianship, giving him control over all financial and medical decisions. Five years later it is yet to be lifted signaling there is a mental health issue present.

"However, Britney is said to have a psychological condition, such as bipolar disorder, that justifies the continued need for conservatorship. Obviously, there is a great deal about her situation that the general public doesn’t know. But many people have psychological disorders without having their most basic rights stripped away from them. The question is, for how long does her condition and past meltdowns continue to justify this extreme remedy?" Read more here.


What do you think? Why does evil and adversity exist?

Seasonal Affective Disorder and Bipolar

Hello everyone! Happy Hump Day! Today I want to touch on the link between seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and bipolar disorder (BD). I myself have noticed changes in mood and activity with the changing seasons. In the warm summer months I am active and outdoors as much as possible. In the winter I sleep much much more and seldom go outside. My activity levels plummet.

 I found a wonderful article from the National Institute of Health that describes studies between individuals with major depressive disorder seasonal pattern (MDD SP) and those with bipolar disorder seasonal pattern (BD SP). One study found that BD SP patients reported a higher rate of psychiatric hospitalizations than MDD SP patients (28% vs 9.4%).  Manic episodes peaked in early spring, mixed episodes peaked in late summer or fall, and depressive episodes peaked in fall-winter. (This seems to be my pattern) In BD, life events that change social rhythms may disrupt circadian rhythms, triggering mood episodes.

Bright light therapy has been shown to be effective in treating major depressive disorder with seasonal pattern (MDD SP), and initial reports indicate that light also can improve depressive symptoms in bipolar disorder with seasonal pattern (BD SP). In an early case report, a patient with BD SP achieved remission of a depressive episode with a 4-day open trial of 2,000 lux of fluorescent light given daily between 6 and 9 AM and 4 and 7 PM.

Year-round mood-stabilizer treatment is indicated to minimize the risk of mood episodes in BD SP. When treating SAD, mood stabilizers with antidepressant effects—such as lamotrigine or lithium (for maintenance), and quetiapine or aripiprazole (for acute treatment)—are preferable to agents without an antidepressant effect in monotherapy. More-sedating mood stabilizers (such as valproate or carbamazepine) likely would not be as beneficial as less-sedating agents, considering that patients with SAD frequently experience fatigue.

Another article from John Hopkins website noted that some people with seasonal affective disorder can be successfully treated with exposure to bright light. In one study, 57 percent of 191 people with SAD responded to light therapy. In another study, bright-light therapy was comparable in effectiveness to antidepressant therapy but worked faster and caused fewer side effects. And in a major review of 173 published studies, bright-light therapy yielded substantial relief for both SAD and mild to moderate depression that was not linked to seasonal changes.

Bright-light therapy involves sitting in front of a bank of full-spectrum fluorescent lights for 30 to 60 minutes each day. Improvement in symptoms can often be seen within a few days, with symptoms disappearing after two to three weeks. Continued light therapy is needed to prevent a relapse.
 
They note that light therapy should be used only with your doctor's guidance, as it can cause side effects when used improperly. For instance, light therapy may trigger manic symptoms in people who have bipolar disorder. But a small study in the journal Bipolar Disorders found that bright-light therapy can ease symptoms of depression in some patients with bipolar disorder.

You can buy a light box over the counter, or your doctor may recommend a specific light box. Most health insurance plans do not cover the cost. Light boxes, available from stores and Internet retailers, come in different shapes and sizes and have varied features. They also produce different types and intensities of light. Light boxes are designed to be safe and effective, but they aren't approved or regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

Personally, I used to go tan in the winter months while in college and that helped my mood greatly. Practically my entire dorm floor of girls would go at once. In fact, my bipolar symptoms didn't peak until years after I graduted from college. Maybe my tanning tamed my symptoms. I think I will look into tanning packages in town. :)  I always found it relaxing. Listening to music while soaking in some rays is a favorite pastime in the summer months.


I hope this blog was informative and helpful. Live everyday like it's your last.

Parental Relations

Hello everyone. Today I'm going to vent a bit about the frustrations I'm having with my parents.  I'm a 28 year old only child. Both of my parents are in the early 60s. My father works, my mother does not. Nor does she drive. I survive, barely, on disability. In the past I've often eaten meals with them at their house, did my laundry there, and helped out with chores such as mowing and cleaning for a few extra bucks. I'd also haul my mother all around town. My foodstamps just got cut by $80 dollars so I was relying heavily on them for meals. Well, things haven't been going well between myself and my mother.

After talking with several different counselors over the years they have all concluded that my mother has a mental illness of her very own, most likely borderline personality disorder. However, she doesn't think she has a problem so we can't get her into a doctor. My father and I and constantly placating her so she doesn't throw tantrums. Just recently she decided to start doing the neighbors yard work for them since they don't get outside to do it themselves. They are a healthy 30s something couple with 2 pugs and a baby. They could do their own work. My mother has a bad heart and doesn't need to be doing the extra work. but she does it anyways. I think she has a death wish.

She has recently begun to accuse me of not taking my medications. That is where I draw the line. When you start yelling at me saying I'm not taking my medication I will not stand for it. When she did it this time I just up and left. I was supposed to mow the yard for her. I left her to her own demise. She had to do the mowing all herself and finish the mess she made in the neighbors yard.

My father just blindly apologizes to her to keep her calm. I refuse to do so anymore. I'm not apologizing for her behaviors. My therapist told me I need to literally move out of town to get away from her and her antics. It's affecting my mental health. Well, since I can't afford to do that I'm going to just stop going over there. That, however, will cost me more $. I wont be getting the extra cash for doing chores and I will have to cook all my own meals and buy detergent to do my own coin laundry. I'm stuck. I guess I'm going to have to just bite the bullet and try to live more thirfty. I already have no internet or cable. There's not much I can cut from my budget. I'm really depressed.

Has anyone else had overbearing parents they've had to deal with?

Bipolar Aggressions

Hello Everybody. I want to touch on aggressive behavior in bipolar patients today because I myself have been aggressively irritated lately. Aggressive irritation occurs when an irritating situation pushes you to explode, verbally or physically. It's an impulsive aggression, a rage. Something bothers you and you just explode. It scares me. I have to actively restrain myself from saying or doing something that could land me in jail. Luckily I haven't gotten into a run-in with the law yet. It really doesn't seem fair. It's bad enough to deal with bipolar disorder, but then to have these aggressive mood swings take over is terrifying. I feel a loss of control of my mood, a lot like when I'm experiencing PMDD (uber PMS).

Irritation is usually present in manic, hypomanic and mixed moods. Irritability is known to manifest as aggressiveness and impatience with, or intolerance of, others. One study have found that subjects with bipolar display greater rates of anger and aggressive behaviors, especially during acute and psychotic episodes. Other studies have robustly confirmed that the diagnosis of bipolar disorder confers a substantially elevated risk for aggressive behaviour, the risk is higher if comorbid diagnoses are present, and comorbidity rates are high. "Clinical and neurobiological links between suicide and outward aggression are particularly important. Patients with bipolar disorder who had a history of suicide attempt were compared with those without such a history. The attempters had significantly higher scores on scales measuring hostility and lifetime history of aggression. In a similar study of bipolar patients, suicide attempters were compared with non-attempters. The attempters had significantly higher levels of hostility measured by the Buss-Durkee scale with a notable difference on the Assault subscale that assesses overt physical aggression. They also showed higher level of non-planning impulsiveness on the Barratt scale. Impulsiveness and hostility were correlated in the attempter subset."

Irritability, un-cooperativeness, impatience and lack of insight are all symptoms I've been experiencing lately. I've jumped at any opportunity to engage with customer service reps at stores who are incompetent. Just this week I have gone off at my father's doctor office when I had to wait 7.5 hours for a simple procedure to be completed. When I'm forced to wait I get impatient and very irritable. I made sure those nurses knew I was pissed. I also dumped easy mac cheese powder all over the counter in the waiting room so they would have to clean it up. All sorts of ideas ran through my head, but since it was my father's doctor and not my own I decided there wasn't much else I could do to get even with these wenches who were making me and my family wait so long.

Just last night I went with my father to get his computer back from the Geek Squad at Best Buy. They totally messed up the invoice order and I went off. I wanted vindication. I had to keep myself from jumping over the damn counter and wringing this moron's neck.

When I feel wronged all sorts of things flash through my head, ways to get even. Harmful things to say or do. I've never acted on any physical impulses. If I had I would be in jail. I only ever get angry and shout. That's usually enough.

I have been on the depressed side of the spectrum lately which doesn't exactly help my moods either. I called my therapist's office and was put on a waiting list to get in sooner to talk to him if an appointment slot opens up. Not much else I can do for the time being. I'm simply trying to limit my interactions with people. The less I interact the less likely I will become frustrated and go off.

One day at a time...

Various Bipolar Medications

Hello everyone! I thought today I would address some of the many medications prescribed to control bipolar disorder. Many caused me to have adverse side effects while taking them, and I will note those as well. Please feel free to comment to help others know what medications have worked best for you and what did not.

Lithium. Lithium (Lithobid, others) is effective at stabilizing mood and preventing the extreme highs and lows of certain categories of bipolar disorder and has been used for many years. Periodic blood tests are required, since lithium can cause thyroid and kidney problems. Common side effects include restlessness, dry mouth and digestive issues.
I was only on this for a short time. I had no notable side effects.

Anticonvulsants. These mood-stabilizing medications include valproic acid (Depakene, Stavzor), divalproex (Depakote) and lamotrigine (Lamictal). The medication asenapine (Saphris) may be helpful in treating mixed episodes. Depending on the medication you take, side effects can vary. Common side effects include weight gain, dizziness and drowsiness. Rarely, certain anticonvulsants cause more serious problems, such as skin rashes, blood disorders or liver problems.
I took Depakote and it caused weight gain and my hair to fall out. I noticed weight gain with Lamictal too. I am currently taking Saphris and satisfied. It is a sublingual and has an unpleasant taste, but no side effects.

Antipsychotics. Certain antipsychotic medications, such as aripiprazole (Abilify), olanzapine (Zyprexa), risperidone (Risperdal) and quetiapine (Seroquel), may help people who don't benefit from anticonvulsants. The only antipsychotic that's specifically approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for treating bipolar disorder is quetiapine. However, doctors can still prescribe other medications for bipolar disorder. This is known as off-label use. Side effects depend on the medication, but can include weight gain, sleepiness, tremors, blurred vision and rapid heartbeat. Weight gain in children is a significant concern. Antipsychotic use may also affect memory and attention and cause involuntary facial or body movements.
Abilify mad me photosensitive, burning in the direct sunlight in about a minute. I haven't been on Zyprexa, and Risperdal did not have any significant side effects. Seroquel would make me pass out for 13 hours plus at a time and gave me horrible night terrors.

Antidepressants. Depending on your symptoms, your doctor may recommend you take an antidepressant. In some people with bipolar disorder, antidepressants can trigger manic episodes, but may be OK if taken along with a mood stabilizer. The most common antidepressant side effects include reduced sexual desire and problems reaching orgasm. Older antidepressants, which include tricyclics and MAO inhibitors, can cause a number of potentially dangerous side effects and require careful monitoring.
I am currently taking the max dose of Welbutrin with success. No notable problems.

Symbyax. This medication combines the antidepressant fluoxetine and the antipsychotic olanzapine. It works as a depression treatment and a mood stabilizer. Symbyax is approved by the FDA specifically for the treatment of bipolar disorder. Side effects can include weight gain, drowsiness and increased appetite. This medication may also cause sexual problems similar to those caused by antidepressants.
This drug is new to me and I have never been prescibed it.

Benzodiazepines. These anti-anxiety medications may help with anxiety and improve sleep. Examples include clonazepam (Klonopin), lorazepam (Ativan), diazepam (Valium), chlordiazepoxide (Librium) and alprazolam (Niravam, Xanax). Benzodiazepines are generally used for relieving anxiety only on a short-term basis. Side effects can include drowsiness, reduced muscle coordination, and problems with balance and memory.
I have taken both Klonopin and Xanax. Both worked in relieving anxiety and improving sleep as needed. I however, tried not to rely on these medications because you can become chemically dependant.
Source

I hope this breakdown helps educate you about the different medications available for bipolar. Please leave comments!

Happy Hump Day!

Have You Had One of These Days?

Hi there everyone! Have you had one of those days where you seem to get bad news from the moment you awake? Things just seem to go wrong at every turn? The things that go wrong are minuscule by themselves, but added as a whole they feel overwhelming? I have had these days in the past, and most recently this past week. Days like this have caused me to quit several respectable jobs in the banking industry. The position that I last quit due to stressful circumstances was caused by a terrible day. I now know that I was experiencing panic attacks. They were so intense I thought I was having a heart attack and I resigned. What, however, was the real cause of these panic attacks?

When I look back on the day I resigned I had a feeling of being attacked that day. Not physically attacked, but spiritually. Things just did not go my way. I had issues with clients all day long, and unusual problems arose. I felt helpless. I had a day like this just last week. From the moment I awoke (to a phone call with bad news) I had a series of unfortunate events occur in which I felt attacked again. Nothing seemed to go right. When I reflect back on the day, things were of course never as bad as I interpreted them. In the big scheme of things waiting an extra hour at the doctor's office for an appointment isn't a big deal. However, I was pacing and my thoughts were racing as I held back tears. For some reason, when the events were happening I felt almost out of control and on the brink of tears. Something was influencing my moods.

When I discussed this with my therapist he explained that it could in fact be some sort of spiritual attack. Who knows. There is of course no way to prove why I felt the way I did those days and why things kept going wrong. I think his is a plausible explanation. I know my hormones and chemical levels in my brain play a vital role in how I experience the world, but I also can sense when something else is at play. I feel that those of use with bipolar and other mental illnesses are more open and susceptible to spiritual attacks because our minds work differently than others. I think our brains are wired differently. What do you think? Leave comments!

Embraced by the Light Review Part 2

Hello everyone! I concluded my last entry with excerpts from Embraced by the Light by Betty J. Eadie around page 67. I intend to pick up there with more inspirational quotes that help me with my day to day struggle with bipolar. Her near death experience has made a profound impact on my life. I hope you all enjoy!

"Even experiences such as divorce, sudden unemployment, or being victim of violence may ultimately give us knowledge and contribute to our spiritual development. Although these experiences are painful, they can help us grow." p. 69  I believe a diagnosis of bipolar fits right in here with the rest of the unfortunate experiences we go through here on Earth.

"In the spirit world they don't see sin as we do here, All experiences can be positive. All are learning experiences." p.70 "Despair is never justified, because it is never needed. We are here to learn, to experiment, to make mistakes. We don't need to judge ourselves harshly; we just need to take life one step at a time, not worrying about other people's judgement of us, nor measuring ourselves by their measuring sticks. We need to forgive ourselves and be grateful for the things that help us grow. Our most severe challenges will one day reveal themselves to be our greatest teachers." p.70-71

"When we "die," my guides said, we experience nothing more than a transition to another state. our spirits slip from the body and move to a spiritual realm. If our deaths are traumatic, the spirit quickly leaves the body, sometimes even before death occurs." p. 83

"At the time of death, we are given the choice to remain on this earth until our bodies are buried or to move on, as I did, to the level to which our spirit had grown. I understood that there are many levels of development, and we will always go to that level where we are most comfortable. Most spirits choose to remain on earth for a short time and comfort their loved ones; Sometimes the spirits will remain longer if the loved ones are in despair." p.83-84

"Some who die as atheists, or those who have bonded to the world through greed, bodily appetites, or other earthly commitments find it difficult to move on, and they become earth-bound. ... These spirits stay on the earth until they learn to accept the greater power around them and to let go of the world." p.84

"Of all knowledge, however, there is none more essential than knowing Jesus Christ. I was told that he is the door through which we will all return. He is the only door through which we can return. Whether we learn of Jesus Christ here or while in the spirit, we must eventually accept him and surrender to his love." p.85

"They looked upon life here as a school where they could learn many things and develop the attributes they lacked. I was told that we had all desired to come here, that we had actually chosen many of our weaknesses and difficult situations in our lives so that we could grow. I also understood that sometimes we are given weaknesses which would be for our good. The Lord also gives us gifts and talents according to his will." p.89-90

"I learned that all thoughts and experiences in our lives are recorded in our subconscious minds. They are also recorded in our cells. so that, not only is each cell imprinted with a genetic coding, it is also imprinted with every experience we have ever had. Further, i understood that these memories are passed down through the genetic coding to our children. Theses memories then account for many of the passed on traits in families, such as addictive tendencies, fears, strengths, and so on. I also learned that we do not have repeated lives on this earth; when we seem to "remember" a past life, we are actually recalling memories contained in the cells." p.93   I found this really interesting and intriguing.

"We were to be tested under challenging conditions to see how we would live the most important commandment of all - to love one another." p.97

"I also understood the importance of thanking God for the things we receive. Gratitude is an eternal virtue. In humility we must ask, and in gratitude we should receive. The more we thank God for the blessings we receive, the more we open the way for further blessings." p.107

"You needed the negative as well as the positive experiences on earth. before you can feel joy, you must know sorrow." p.114

"...the most important thing I could do in life was to love others as myself. But to love others as myself, I first had to really love myself." p.117

This text has helped me realize why "terrible" things such as a diagnosis of bipolar have purpose in our lives. We chose to come here to better ourselves through trials. I just need to focus on loving myself and others and being grateful for what I do have. All of which are easier said than done, but I think striving to live a life of love and gratitude is better than drowning in my miseries. I hope these passages have been uplifting. Happy Hump Day!

Embraced by the Light by Betty J. Eadie Review

Hello everyone! In my last blog I mentioned the text Embraced by the Light by Betty J. Eadie. I wanted to take some time to provide an overview and quotes from this book, as it has made a profound change in my outlook on this life and the next. I have read and reread this book over 5 times, adding notes as I went along. I no longer fear what waits for us after we die because Betty has provided the most complete near-death experience ever. She went into the hospital for a routine operation and in the early hours of one morning she passed from this life to the next. She explains her journey and her meeting with Jesus Christ. I am going to include several excerpts from the text along with some of my personal feelings. I've found they help give me strength while I deal with my bipolar and other perils in this life.

When she first passed Betty was greeted by men in robes enveloped in bright brilliant light. "They had been with me for "eternities," they said." "Eternity to me had always been in the future, but these beings said they had been with me for eternities in the past." "I saw that death was actually a "rebirth" into a greater life of understanding and knowledge that streaked forward and backward through time." p.31-32

She passed into a dark mass which turned into a tunnel where she felt other people and animals. She felt a sense of well being and calmness and sensed that some "didn't have the desire, or simply didn't know how to proceed. But there was no fear." "I had never felt greater tranquility in my life." p.38-39

As she emerged from the tunnel she came before Jesus, whose entire body was enveloped with golden light and halos. "And as our lights merged, I felt as if I had stepped into his countenance, and I felt an utter explosion of love. It was the most unconditional love I have ever felt, and as I saw his arms open to receive me I went to him and received his complete embrace and said over and over, "I'm home. I'm home. I'm finally home." p.41

She was told it was not yet her time. "My time would come when my mission, my purpose, my meaning in this life was accomplished." p.43

As she came up with questions they were all answered, however she hasn't been able to recall all of her experiences while in heaven. She believes that if she had been blessed with all those memories she simply would not have been able to successfully fulfill her life's journey, for she would always pine for what she had experienced.

"Why didn't God give us only one church, one pure religion? The answer came to me with the purest of understanding. Each of us, i was told, is at a different level of spiritual development and understanding. Each person is therefore prepared for a different level of spiritual knowledge. All religions upon the Earth are necessary because there are people who need what they teach. People in one religion may not have a complete understanding of the Lord's gospel and never will have while in that religion. But that religion is used as a stepping stone to further knowledge. Each church fulfills spiritual needs that perhaps others cannot fill. No one church can fulfill everybody's needs at every level. As an individual raises his level of understanding about God and his own eternal progress, he might feel discontented with the teachings of his present church and seek a different philosophy or religion to fill that void. When this occurs he has reached another level of understanding and will long for further truth and knowledge, and for another opportunity to grow." p.45-46

"In order to grasp this truth, we need to listen to the Spirit and let go of our egos." p.46

When Betty asked why anyone would want to leave this wonderful paradise and go to Earth, in answer she actually remembered the creation of the Earth. "I actually experienced it as if it were being reenacted before my eyes. This was important. Jesus wanted me to internalize this knowledge. All people as spirits in the pre-mortal world took part in the creation of the Earth. We were thrilled to be part of it. We were with God, and we knew that hew created us, that we were his very own children. He was pleased with our development and was filled with absolute love for each one of us. Also, Jesus Christ was there. I understood, to my surprise, that Jesus was a separate being from God , with His own divine purpose, and I knew that God was out mutual Father. ...the Father explained that coming to Earth for a time would further our spiritual growth. Each spirit who has come to Earth assisted in planning the conditions on earth, including the laws of mortality which would govern us. These included the laws of physics as we know them, the limitations of our bodies, and spiritual powers that we would be able to access. We assisted God in the development of plants and animal life that would be here. Everything was created of spirit matter before it was created physically. ...I was told by the Savior that the spirit creation could be compared to one of our photographic prints; the spirit creation would be like a sharp, brilliant print and the Earth would be like its dark negative. This Earth is only a shadow of the beauty and glory of the spirit creation, but it is what we needed for our growth." p.47-48

"I saw that in the pre-mortal world we knew about and even chose our missions in life. I understood that our stations in life are based upon the objectives of those missions. Through divine knowledge we knew what many of our tests and experiences would be, and we prepared accordingly. We bonded with others-family members and friends-to help us complete our missions. ...We were given agency to act for ourselves here. Our own actions determine the course of our lives, and we can alter or redirect our lives at any time. I understood that this was crucial; God made the promise that he wouldn't intervene in our lives unless we asked Him." p.49

"I was gratified to see that the Earth is only a temporary place for our schooling and that sin is not our true nature. ...Although our spirit bodies are full of light, truth, and love, they must battle constantly to overcome the flesh, and this strengthens them. ...Whatever we become here in mortality is meaningless unless it is done for the benefit of others. Our gifts and talents are given to us to help us serve. And in serving others we grow spiritually." p.49-50

"Above all, I was shown that love is supreme." p.51

This next passage seems to refer to quantum physics, which falls in line with the book The Secret and the documentary What the Bleep Do We Know? "Within our universe are both positive and negative energies, and both types of energy are essential to creation and growth. These energies have intelligence-they do our will. They are willing servants. God has absolute power over both energies. Positive energy is basically just what we would think it is: light, goodness, kindness, love, patience, charity, hope and so on. And negative energy is just what we would think it is: darkness, hatred, fear (Satan's greatest tool), unkindness, intolerance, selfishness, despair, discouragement, and so on. Positive and negative energies work in opposition to each other. And when we internalize these energies, they become our servants. Positive attracts positive, and negative attracts negative. ... Simply by thinking positive thoughts and speaking positive words we attract positive energy. I saw that this is the case. I saw different energies around different people. I saw how a person's words can actually affect the energy field around them. The very words themselves-the vibrations in the air-attract one type of energy or another. A person's desires have a similar effect. There is power in our thoughts. We create our own surroundings by the thoughts we think. Physically, this may take a period of time, but spiritually it is instantaneous." p57-58.

"Love is supreme. Love must govern. ...First, we must love the Creator. ...Then we must love ourselves. ...Then, we must love all others as ourselves." p.59-60

"...fear is the opposite of love and is Satan's greatest tool. Since I feared God, I could not truly love him, and in not loving Him, I couldn't love myself or others purely either." p.61

I'm going to end with the knowledge Betty gained about illness because for me, it helps me understand why I have bipolar.  "To my surprise I saw that most of us has selected the illnesses we would suffer, and for some, the illness that would end our lives. Sometimes healing does not come immediately, or at all, because of our need for growth. All experience is for our own good, and sometimes it takes what we would consider negative experience to help develop our spirits. We were very willing, even anxious, as spirits to accept all of our ailments, illness, and accidents here to help better ourselves spiritually. I understood that in the spirit world our Earth time is meaningless. The pain we experience on Earth is just a moment, just a split second of consciousness in the spirit world, and we are very willing to endure it." p.67

In the future I will continue citing this text until I cover it in its entirety(147pages), but I'm getting a backache sitting in front of the computer, lol.

I hope Betty's experiences can help you as they've helped me deal with the life I was given, bipolar and all. Here's a link to Betty's website: http://www.embracedbythelight.com/  Stayed tuned next week for my conclusion of her book.

We Don't Die - George Anderson's Conversations With The Other Side

Hello everyone! I hope I'm finding everyone in good spirits! Today I'm going to write about a wonderful book my best friend picked up for me at a used book sale. It's titled We Don't Die - George Anderson's Conversations With The Other Side by Joel Martin & Patricia Romanowski. This was a National Bestseller written in 1988. I'm currently about half way through the book and I really want to share it with you all. The authors chronicle Anderson's life and experiences. He is a physic medium who has been scientifically tested to be 80-95% accurate. He started as a bashful and tortured young man who flourished with the help of a radio DJ, Joel Martin.

For over 12 years Joel documented evidence of Anderson's powers. Joel helped George begin to test his abilities, first through personal readings, then radio, and eventually television spots. He receives messages from those who have passed on. They come to him in a variety of ways. They often show themselves or use symbols George is familiar with to help him communicate. He also experiences sympathetic pains that help point to how the deceased have passed over. There are numerous examples chronicled throughout this book.

George's message is one of hope, we don't die when our physical bodies expire! Those spirits who he communicates have explained to him that everything has a purpose. Everything we go through here helps us fulfill our  missions on Earth. He also explains that our beloved pets will greet us on the other side as well as our loved ones who have passed. These messages seems to line up with another of my favorite texts by Betty Eadie, who has had one of the most detailed near death experiences ever documented, Embraced by the Light. Look forward to a full detailed blog on this book in the coming days!

How exciting it is to realize there is much more to this life than appears! Energy is never created nor destroyed and we ourselves when broken down into our smallest components are made of energy. When we pass from this life into the next our spirits or energy continue on. We continue to learn and grow on our never ending spiritual journey. How exciting to realize that even the deepest and darkest things we've experienced due to mental illness all have a purpose! I've been through my own hell here on Earth and I have to believe that I've grown. I know I'm definitely a stronger person. George also has a positive message for those who have passed from suicide.

My education in the Baptist church taught me that suicides go directly to Hell, this is however not the case according to George. It is often more difficult for those who have committed suicide to crossover, but they can. Their spirits often linger here because they cannot forgive themselves. George says that's why, no matter your beliefs, you should pray for those who have passed on to encourage them to move forward and grow and learn and heal their emotional scars.

Here's a link to purchase We Don't Die I encourage you to get it used to save a few bucks.

Also, here's a handy website that discusses Anderson's understanding of life beyond the grave: Near Death

Please take a moment to comment and follow! Have a wonderful Hump Day! Woot Woot!

Bipolar and the Paranormal

Hello everyone! I hope your week is going well so far. I thought today I'd write about the link I've noticed between individuals with bipolar and mental illness and the paranormal. Personally, I have seen many strange things in my day and I have come to believe that individuals with mental illness are somehow able to receive messages from the beyond more clearly than your average person.

I have never told any of my doctors what things I have seen. If I did they would probably try to lock me up in the psych ward. And I'm not the only person who feels this way. After talking to acquaintances and researching online I found out many other individuals feel the same way.

One individual wrote: "It's difficult to talk to doctors or therapists about it because you're afraid they're going to think, 'yeah, she's losing her mind again.' That or they tell you that it's a false perception due to either your bipolar or borderline personality disorder... "

Another said, "We're called nutjobs for recounting these experiences, and don't you dare mention them to your psychiatrist unless you want a stay in a psych ward complete with an ECT session or two."

These days, science is bridging the gap, but it is not yet there. Investigations into creativity and intuition point to variations in the way the brain processes information. In either endeavor, the mind arrives at conclusions that cannot be explained as the product of rational and linear thinking.

One way of looking at it is that in the creative and/or intuitive mind, the brain may be inefficient at filtering out so-called irrelevant inputs. Strongly allied to this notion is the idea that creative/intuitive brains may be frighteningly efficient at connecting these so-called irrelevant inputs into something transcendentally relevant. Source

While I was manic my mind was working super efficiently and I was making connections between ideas that others couldn't. My production numbers at work soared and I raised investment sales over 150% in one month at the bank. I was at the top of my game. Then the mania overtook me and I was hospitalized.

Even before my diagnosis of bipolar in 2010 I myself had seen unexplainable things. While in high school I awoke one night to see a black creature with its back to the ceiling in the corner of my room with two yellow eyes staring at me. I immediately flipped on my headboard light and it was gone. I didn't dare tell my parents till years later.

In between my numerous hospital stays in the summer of 2010 I also saw weird things. While staying with a friend in South Haven I would walk out of one room and return to find picture frames had flipped themselves around. I also had a very strong premonition that summer. My friend was going out of town to a baseball tournament. I spoke with her on the phone and something didn't seem right. When I hung up with her all of a sudden I go this terrible feeling of dread and couldn't stop crying. No one could console me, I knew something bad was going to happen to my friend. I tried calling her back and couldn't reach her. That night my friend totaled her car in a crash on the freeway. No one was injured luckily. She told me she had seen an angel in her passenger seat before the crash. Weird.

More recently I've experienced a negative presence in my parent's house where I grew up. I was trying to get online on my parents computer and the CPU kept freezing up. I was home alone and I finally looked to my right and shouted, "Quit fucking with me!" Immediately the computer unfroze and began working properly. Within 5 minutes the computer began to slow down again and lock up. This time I shouted, "In the name of Jesus Christ leave me alone!" Again, immediately the computer unfroze and began working again. It remained working until I finished my work.

My family has never seemed to be able to catch a break, financially or otherwise, and I began wondering if there was a presence in the home that was causing these bad events to happen.

I've decided to share my experiences with my therapist, who is Catholic. He has told me he believes I may be experiencing a demonic oppression. Oppression is more a general influence over outcomes in your life rather than a physical possession. He suggested I get holy water and sprinkle it in the house as well as tell the spirit in the name of Jesus to leave. I did this and things have seemed to settle down.

I have also talked to several individuals with mental illness, including bipolar and varying degrees of schizophrenia. The majority of people say they have in fact experienced paranormal activity. Some much more than others. When I talk to individuals with schizophrenia they all tell me they hear bad voices telling them to do bad things, they just try to ignore them. This even while they are on medication. Could they simply be dealing with a mild possession? A girl from my church began hearing bad voices and her mother had her exorcised rather than putting her on heavy medications. The voices left after the exorcism and she has been fine and led a productive life ever since.

Have any of you seen The Possession of Emily Rose? I know this is a work of fiction "based on true events," but in the movie it is suggested that by putting individuals on heavy medications can lock a person into possession, unable to get any relief. I've often wondered if this was the case with schizophrenics. If you haven't watched it it is an excellent film!

I've never heard voices myself, but I have seen apparitions. While I was manic in the summer of 2010 I thought that I was a divine servant of God and, how do I explain this, I didn't hear voices but thought God was sending me messages through things I would see and hear on the television or radio. I was lost that summer while driving to my friends ball game so I decided to literally follow the way the wind was blowing. I thought God would help direct me there. I know it sounds nuts, but my wacky method actually got me to the ball field.

Others online have agreed that those with mental illness are more open to paranormal experiences, "Don't know if it is because of a lack of/or overload of certain chemicals within the brains of those individuals, if their perception of reality can be a little altered, or if maybe they are just more 'open and sensitive' to receiving paranormal phenomenon. But I fully agree that individuals with these distinct mental illnesses have a higher rate for claiming supernatural activity."

You're free to form your own opinion, in fact leave a comment and I'd like to hear yours! Me, I believe.

         

PreMenstrual Dysphoric Dirsorder (PMDD) and Bipolar

5 years ago while I was living in Grand Rapids before my bipolar diagnosis I was diagnosed by my general practitioner with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD. When that time of the month reared it ugly head my moods would drastically change and I would become very irritable, emotional and argumentative. I knew something was wrong because these feelings that would come flooding in were not my own. This wasn't my norm. I was initially put on birth control pills to try to level my hormone levels, however the pills made my emotions take a roller coaster ride, up and down and all over the place. After a week on the pills I quit with my doctor's approval. Antidepressants were then prescribed.

PMDD symptoms include insomnia, oversleeping, binge eating, confusion, difficulty concentrating, aggression, rage, feeling of being overwhelmed, out of control, or suicidal. Sometimes PMDD gets so severe that a woman can become psychotic for a few days each month. PMDD affects somewhere between 5-10% of menstruating women. Research suggests that the cause of PMDD may be related to hormonal changes related to the menstrual cycle. Additional research suggests some similarity to that of certain mood disorders with the brain’s ability to properly regulate key neurochemicals, such as serotonin. However, no definitive research has been conducted that has shown a single cause for premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Some studies have found that bipolar symptoms worsen in relation to the menstrual cycle. What doctors do know:

• premenstrually, women's suicide attempts and treats increase, and they're more likely to be admitted to the psych ward
• over 2/3s of women with unipolar disorder (depressive episodes but no manic or hypomanic episodes) experience premenstrual lows
• women who suffer from premenstrual mood changes frequently have family histories of depression

Because PMDD can produce severe mood swings doctors frequently mistake them for bipolar disorder, particularly bipolar II. If you think you may be suffering from PMDD keep a detailed calendar of your moods around and during your period. Share this information with your doctor at your next visit when you discuss your moods.

After monitoring my menstrual cycle I now know that when that time of the month gets near my breasts will become tender and when that happens I try to stay aware of my moods until my period starts. I will become easily frustrated and argumentative. I will even tell those I'm around ahead of time that I may be "moody" and to ignore it. I often find myself apologizing for my behavior frequently after my cycle starts. Just one more thing I need to be aware of regarding my body and bipolar. :)

5 Bipolar Myths Debunked

There are several misconceptions regarding Bipolar Disorder. Here I intend to debunk a few with the help of WebMD.

1) Bipolar is a rare condition. False, in a given year, bipolar disorder affects about 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6% of the U.S. population 18 and older, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. It seemed as though most individuals I came across while in the psych ward were diagnosed with Bipolar.

2) Bipolar is just another name for mood swings. Incorrect. This often aggitates me when I hear the lyrics to songs about being bipolar when the artist is simply referring to mood swings, such as Katy Perry's Hot n Cold. The mood swings associated with bipolar disorder are very different than those of people without the condition, says Matthew Rudorfer, MD, associate director of treatment research in the division of services and intervention research at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, Md. "The mood swings of bipolar [disorder] are more severe, longer lasting, and maybe most significant of all, they interfere with some important aspect of functioning, such as ability to work at one's job, or manage one's home, or be a successful student," he says.

3) People with bipolar disorder shift back and forth from depression to mania very often. The Jekyll-Hyde personality, the type that can turn on a dime from sad to euphoric, is a myth about bipolar, says Gary Sachs, MD, director of the Bipolar Clinic and Research Program at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston and associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. ''The average bipolar patient will be depressed more often [than manic]," he says. This definitely rings true for myself. I have only had a few bouts of mania, being depressed the majority of the time.

4) When they're in the manic phase, people with bipolar disorder are often very happy. True for some, experts tell WebMD, but not for others. And a person with bipolar disorder may enter the manic phase happy but not stay that way. "The hallmark of mania is a euphoric or elevated mood," Smith says. But, he says, "a significant number of people become edgy and irritable as the mania progresses." "Many people are actually frightened when they go into mania," says Sue Bergeson, CEO of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance in Chicago, a patient-run mental health organization. "When you are moving into mania, you are losing control of your actions and thoughts," she says. Patients often complain they can't sleep, too. A person in a manic phase may go on spending sprees, use poor judgment, abuse drugs or alcohol, and have difficulty concentrating. Sexual drive can be increased and behavior can be "off" or out of character for what is normal for them. I myself would only be able to get 3 hours of sleep a night.

5) There is a bipolar test. Not true. In early 2008, an at-home bipolar test, sold over the Internet, made headlines. But the test only tells users whether their genetic makeup puts them at higher risk of having or getting bipolar disorder. The bipolar test evaluates saliva samples for two mutations in a gene called GRK3, associated with the disorder. But it can't tell users for sure. Today, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder depends on a doctor taking a careful patient history, asking about symptoms over time. A family history of the disorder increases a person's chances of getting it.

Source

Kindling Theory of Bipolar Disorder

The "kindling effect" or "kindling theory" of bipolar disorder is one of the proposed theories that explains bipolar disorder.

According to the "kindling" hypothesis, when people who are genetically predisposed toward bipolar disorder experience stressful events,  the amount of stress required to bring about a change in mood becomes progressively lower, until the episodes eventually start (and recur) spontaneously. 

The term kindling is appropriate because the process bears similarity to the process of setting a log on fire. On its own, a log is not quick to burn. However, by surrounding the log with more easily combustible materials, the log soon catches fire. Eventually, once the log has kindled, it will continuously burn without any help, and will be harder to put out. Source

Dr. Robert M. Post of the National Institute of Mental Health (USA) is credited with first applying the kindling model to bipolar disorder (NARSAD). Demitri and Janice Papolos, in their excellent book The Bipolar Child, describe this model as follows:

... initial periods of cycling may begin with an environmental stressor, but if the cycles continue or occur unchecked, the brain becomes kindled or sensitized - pathways inside the central nervous system are reinforced so to speak - and future episodes of depression, hypomania, or mania will occur by themselves (independently of an outside stimulus), with greater and greater frequency.

Thus, to put it simply, brain cells that have been involved in an episode once are more likely to do so again, and more cells will become sensitized over time. This theory has been borne out by some research observations. For example, "there is evidence that the more mood episodes a person has, the harder it is to treat each subsequent episode..." thus taking the kindling analogy one step further: that a fire which has spread is harder to put out (Expert Consensus, 1997).

In addition, it has been shown that substances such as cocaine and alcohol have their own kindling effects which can contribute to bipolar kindling. In fact, it was the knowledge that cocaine causes seizures that led Dr. Post to connect kindling in epilepsy with mood disorders, after he had studied the unexpected effects of cocaine on severely depressed patients (NARSAD).

A study led by Dr. Joseph Goldberg found that patients diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and substance abuse were much more likely to respond to treatment that included an anticonvulsant/mood stabilizer, divalproex (Depakote) or carbamazepine (Tegretol), with or without Lithium, than treatment with Lithium alone. At the same time, patients who had bipolar disorder but no history of substance abuse had similar remission rates with both types of treatment. Dr. Goldberg did note that more controlled studies are needed on the role of anticonvulsants in treating dual diagnosis patients. (Substance Abuse, 2000) Source

OCD & Bipolar

I've always been a bit OCD, always rearranging the creamers and jellies at every restaurant table. I'm a firm believer that everything has its place. :) Later in life I was diagnosed with Bipolar I. Apparently there is a correlation between OCD and Bipolar.

It has been estimated that between 10 to 35% of people with bipolar disorder also have OCD, with most reporting that their OCD symptoms started first. Indeed, OCD is thought to be the most frequently occurring anxiety disorder among people with bipolar disorder.

Interestingly, one analysis found that OCD occurs with bipolar disorder at much higher rate than major depressive disorder. This study found that people with bipolar disorder are between two and five times more likely to have OCD than people with major depressive disorder.

In general, people who are affected by both bipolar disorder and OCD seem to have very high rates of other forms of mental illness; in particular, panic disorder as well as impulse control disorders. I was originally diagnosed as Bipolar I and Schizoaffective. The schizoaffective has since been removed from my diagnosis and anxiety disorder has been added.

Although there is not one particular gene that links OCD and bipolar disorder, there is increasing evidence that these two disorder may share some genes. Behaviorally, both people with bipolar disorder and OCD show decreases in specific types of verbal memory. Source


While I was manic several summers ago I also became obsessed with Christianity and reading my Bible. I felt I was in direct communication with God. Across the Internet I've found several others with Bipolar who also struggle with religious preoccupation while manic. Looks like a lot of us struggle with some sort of obsession sooner or later.

Feeling Anxious Today

Hello everyone! I hope I find you all in good spirits. With the upcoming holiday tomorrow, July 4th, and payday today I have a lot to accomplish today. I need to pay rent, log on to my folk's computer and pay all my bills, run to the bank, run to my caregivers, and I have an appointment right after New Beginnings today. I'm meeting with my temporary case manager from the local mental health authority, Riverwood. Her name is Kelly and she's really helpful. She called to confirm my appointment this morning. I thought that was polite. I need to meet with her for about an hour and she also said today we need to do my yearly review while we meet. Hope all that goes well.

I feel a bit overwhelmed. New Beginnings runs from 9-3, so I'm trying to pass the time here, waiting for my appointment later and then the opportunity to run all my errands. I need to stay through the entire program today to clock in my hours. New Beginnings is a psycho-social rehabilitation program whose mission is to help individuals in their recovery journey from a diagnosed mental illness. The program also runs an consignment shop that I periodically help out in called 2nd Impressions. Here's a link to their facebook page: 2nd Impressions  The prices are very reasonable and they carry high end merchandise. Clothing mostly. 

I also need to pack tonight for my excursion to see my girlfriend tomorrow. Whew. I know once, like, 6-7pm hits I should be done with everything and I should be fine, but the anticipation is killing me. I want to take care of my chores now and not have to wait. Phlbt. Dem da breaks, lol.

Do you ever get anxious when you have a list of chores to do?

Bipolar & Changes in Weather

Hi everyone! I hope I'm finding you all in good health. I thought I might briefly touch on the topic of weather changes and how they affect those of us with bipolar. Here in Southwest Michigan we have been having a muggy heat wave in the 90s this week and I have been more agitated than ever! It seems as though the hotter the weather the nastier my mood gets. The extreme heat seems to act as a trigger of sorts for my bipolar. While trolling other bipolar message boards I found others who seem to experience the same thing. Message Board

When I had my major manic episodes in the summer of 2010 it was the beginning of May thru July. Maybe the heat and extra sunlight pushed me over the edge then, who knows. In general I love to sun myself outside whenever possible. I used to go tanning while I had the extra income from employment. Now that is an extra expense I cannot indulge in, so when the weather is right I go outside.

Others have posted online that cold, wet, dreary weather can cause them to fall into a depression. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a mood disorder common in climates with long winters, and can be helped with light therapy. It can often be a component of bipolar disorder. I myself do feel more depressed in the winter months. However the past two winters have been milder so my depression hasn’t been affected like it could have been. I have been hospitalized during the winter as well a few years ago and that was for depression and suicidal tendencies. Seems as though the weather does affect my mood. Source

The bottom line is many many things can affect your bipolar, including the weather. It stinks that we have to be more aware of our surroundings for triggers, but that's the hand we've been dealt. I wish you all a Happy Wednesday!

Genetics, is there a link within Bipolar families?

I asked my father, what would you like to know about bipolar disorder? He said he’d like to know more about the genetic factors contributing to the disorder and if there are any foods which exacerbate it. I’m going to try to address both his questions today. Let’s first begin with the genetic aspect of the disorder. 

In 1986 The Columbia Bipolar Genetic Study started a collaborative effort with the New York State Psychiatric Institute (NYSPI) and Columbia University. NYSPI is world-renowned. It was established in 1896, and is the oldest psychiatric research institute in the United States. Their laboratory is part of the Columbia University Genome Center. The Genome Center houses a community of laboratories run by scientists who have expertise in all aspects of the search for disease genes. The clinicians involved in this study have contributed to the development of the main diagnostic methods currently in use. 

So far their findings have found that bipolar disorder runs in families. The children of parents with bipolar disorder are at increased risk for developing the disease themselves, even if they are adopted and raised by parents who do not have this condition. This clearly points to the involvement of genetic influences. Also, twin studies provide additional support for the importance of genetic factors. The identical twin of someone who suffers from manic depression is at a much greater risk for the illness than a fraternal twin. Because identical twins share all their genes and fraternal twins share only half their genes, this difference in risk highlights the role of heredity as a cause of the disorder. 

Environmental factors are also believed to play a role in determining who is susceptible to the disease. Such factors may include certain viral infections, toxic agents, and emotional stress.  

In recent years, linkage between the illness and genetic markers has been reported by several investigators, but the genes themselves have yet to be isolated. The Columbia Bipolar Genetic Study has reported a possible marker for the disease gene on chromosome 21. This finding has been reproduced by other investigators. Other groups have reported possible markers on other chromosomes, including chromosomes 4, 13, 18, and the X-chromosome. The disease may not be caused by the same gene or genes in all individuals. Some genes may be involved because they interact with other genes. Source Source2 

Several institutions are currently looking for individuals to participate in their studies. The Columbia Bipolar Genetic Study’s link to admission is here: Admission 

Johns Hopkins also has a study available for participation: Admission 

 

Now, are there any foods that make the symptoms of bipolar worse? 

As I mentioned in a previous blog, there is no specific bipolar diet. However, WebMD suggests to avoid caffeine because it can disrupt sleep patterns and avoid high-fat foods because they can slow the absorption of your medications into your body. Livestrong suggests the same thing. Some others suggest staying away from unrefined carbs because they can cause unhealthy cravings that can make mood swings worse. Source It seems that things that everyone should avoid, such as caffeine, alcohol, sugar, salt, and fats, should also be avoided by those of us with bipolar.  Source

 

I hope this information is helpful to you all. Have a great day!

Escapism of Video Games

Two days ago on June 10, 2013 Sony released price and images for the PlayStation 4 next-generation console. Apparently it's going to be $399 out the door with 140 games in development. I only have the PS2 with a few choice games like Champions of Norrath and Simpsons' Road Rage. I grew up on the original Nintendo and have always loved video games. There used to be a Family Video within walking distance of my parents' house and I used to rent games all the time.

Just as a book can take you away into another world, so can a video game. A game can also help you work through emotions you may be having. When I'm angry or upset, killing some bad guys in a video game feels great. I'm hoping the price of PS3s will drop with this new release because there is a game, Grand Theft Auto IV, which really helps me relax and get frustrations out when I use the available cheat codes. You can unlock all sorts of vehicles to out run cops as well as unlimited ammo and weapons. Running through a park and blasting someone with a baseball bat sometimes feels good. Especially when there is no way you could get away with that shit in real life.

There have been studies done which link depression to video gaming, however I think you could say the same of television or any digital media. This study showed that women use video games more often for mood management than men. I'd have to agree with that one.

Everyday Health suggests monitoring your video game usage so you are not spending exorbitant amounts of time playing. Often staying up late playing games will disrupt sleep patterns, which are key to managing mood swings. My sleeping patterns vary, but I know I need at least 8 hours of sleep if I want to function the next day and not be ornery. Having a basic schedule of activities helps keep my stress levels down. I know what is expected.

So next time you're down in the dumps or really pissed off, try a video game to get your mind off of it. Escape into a video game.

Silver Linings Playbook Review

Hi everyone! I apologize it's been so long since my last post. I attempted to get internet at my apartment through AT&T, and after 2 weeks of no service after the service start up date and two technicians sent out to my apartment it still wasn't fixed, so I cancelled the service. I couldn't deal with being on the phone arguing everyday for two weeks. Unfortunately they are the only internet provider for my building. Oh well, lol.

I've also been dealing a med change. I've been taken off my Risperdone and it has been replaced with Saphris. Then the doc added Effexor to the mix as well. Just started upping my dose of that per doc's orders. He claims I won't need my Kolonopin after the Effexor gets in my system. We'll see.

And on to the Review...

Here's the plot synopsis from IMDb: "After a stint in a mental institution, former teacher Pat Solitano (Bradley Cooper), moves back in with his parents (Robert De Niro and Jacki Weaver), and tries to reconcile with his ex-wife. Things get more challenging when Pat meets Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), a mysterious girl with problems of her own."

Pat attacked his ex-wife's lover in a jealous rage and is diagnosed with bipolar after an 8 month stint in a mental institution. He is totally focused on repairing his marriage until he meets Tiffany at a dinner party. They immediately hit it off and eventually begin spending time together to help one another out. Tiffany will get a letter to his ex-wife if he helps her in a dancing competition.

I thoroughly loved this movie! I believe Bradley Cooper nailed the part of a bipolar patient. I cried several times because I could relate so well. I too would be up all hours of the night, my mind racing of all kind of thoughts. I would also say inappropriate things at inopportune times, such as the dinner party scene where Pat meets Tiffany. I enjoyed the exchange between the two at dinner when they are comparing the psych meds they have been on. I often have conversations like that with friends from support groups.

I enjoyed the development of the relationship between Pat and his parents as well. My relationship is decent with my folks now, but it was very tumultuous in the past when I was released from the psych ward each time, just as it was with Pat and his folks.

I also related to the moments when Pat is reunited with his brother and friend. They both listed off a grocery list of reasons why they couldn't go visit him while he was institutionalized. Mental illness scares a lot of people and they often don't know how to act, so they don't act at all. It hurts, but you get over it.

Silver Linings Playbook won an AFI Award in 2013 for Movie of the Year and Jennifer Lawrence won an Oscar for her performance as the leading actress. I think it deserves even more accolades. I highly recommend this film!

Misdiagnosis of Bipolar versus MS

Hi everyone I thought I'd quickly visit this topic and revisit it again in the near future. As relating to myself, I often wonder if I've been misdiagnosed. My father has Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and I've found that the risk of contracting Multiple Sclerosis if your father has the disease is approx 1 in 100. Source I don't like those odds. As I've been researching bipolar online I've also found something interesting. Multiple people who actually had early onset MS were diagnosed as bipolar!

The number of patients with Bipolar disorder and MS is significantly higher in the general population than one would statistically expect which may suggest that some connection between Multiple Sclerosis and Bipolar could be possible.  It is known that the MS causes changes to the white matter of the brain which is also the case with mania but whether the origin and the chain of events leading to MS and Bipolar are similar is unknown. Source

During the summer of 2010 (first summer with my bipolar diagnosis) while I was on multiple medications for Bipolar I remember feeling a sense of dread as the strength in both of my forearms began to disappear. They felt tingly and weak. It eventually went away. Could this have been a sign of MS? Could the multiple medications I'm on be masking other symptoms? I wouldn't be reaching so far for an explanation if my father was healthy. I found a fellow blogger who seems to have experienced a lot of the same things I have, however her misdiagnosis of bipolar was corrected when more prevalent symptoms of MS began to appear. Link to her page here.

Other sites have stated, "Multiple sclerosis often misdiagnosed as mental disorder: The early stages of multiple sclerosis may cause various general feelings of wellness, happiness, euphoria, or manic-type symptoms in some patients. These symptoms may lead to a misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder, hypomania, cyclothymia, histrionic personality disorder, or similar disorders." Source

I suppose I will never know if I have MS until more prevalent symptoms begin to present themselves. Who knows, only God, right?

Celebrities, Genius, and Bipolar

There has often been thought to be a link between bipolar disorder and genius. Some studies have proved as much. Kay Redfield Jamison of John Hopkins school of Medicine, who suffers from bipolar disorder, said that intelligence tests on Swedish 16-year-olds had shown that highly intelligent children were most likely to go on to develop the disorder. Source 

A study of more than 700,000 adults illustrated the fact that people who attained the highest grades at school are 4 times more likely to suffer with bipolar disorder than those who achieved average grades. This study was carried out by researchers who worked at the Institute of Psychiatry, based at King’s College in London, and colleagues from the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden and the results showed that the link between bipolar disorder and high intelligence was most pronounced in those who studied music or literature, just as it had been with key historical figures in our past. Source

Some celebrities have come out with their diagnosis freely. Others who have passed away are postulated as having bipolar disorder judging by their behaviors, often irrational.

Ludwig van Beethoven, composer and pianist is suggested to have had bipolar. Russel Brand, comedian, Demi Lovato, singer, and Carrie Fisher, actress, have all openly come out with their diagnoses.  Marylin Monroe is thought to have had bipolar as well as Kurt Cobain. Issac Newton, mathematician/physicist, Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher, Vincent Van Gogh, artist, and Frank Sinatra also are thought to have had bipolar disorder. One of the most recent celebrities to come out as having the disorder is Catherine Zeta-Jones. Source

My personal experience seems to coincide with these studies linking genius with bipolar. While is school I averaged a 3.945 GPA through high school and a 3.8 average GPA in college while earning my Bachelor's in Economics. I've always been thought of as "bright."  I often wonder if it would be better to be dull and live a normal life than have a higher IQ and deal with bipolar.

It's astonishing to think about all the famous individuals who had bipolar and were successful. It seems as though their work saw gains while their personal lives unraveled. That's what happened to me. I was doing fantastic at a new banker job, raised investment sales by 200% in one month at my branch, while my life was slowly falling apart around me. I believe I was somewhat manic, staying out all hours. Then I had a panic attack, a severe one, for the first time at work and I panicked. I resigned right then and there, thought I was having a heart attack and couldn't handle the job. It's like someone flipped a switch in my brain. Everything was fine, I was pulling 50k, then BAM, you've quit your job and end up hospitalized then homeless. It's amazing how fast you can fall.

With all of societies modern advances in medicine I often wish I could afford to go to a bipolar clinic, like Standford School of Medicine's, or the Mayo Clinic's. I have gone to several DBSA (depression bipolar support alliance) meetings and one younger gentleman discussed how he went to a specialist in Chicago where they evaluated the different level of nutrients in his system to help better guide a medication choice. From his presentation he explained how they looked at the whole person to decide treatment.

Currently I rely on Medicaid with a $863 monthly deductible. Makes it hard to visit even a regular doctor for a cold, let alone any specialists. That's where celebrities have a one up on the rest of us. They have the funds to get the best treatment. The rest of us must rely on private insurance, or in my case the government.