Hello everyone. Today I'm going to vent a bit about the frustrations I'm having with my parents. I'm a 28 year old only child. Both of my parents are in the early 60s. My father works, my mother does not. Nor does she drive. I survive, barely, on disability. In the past I've often eaten meals with them at their house, did my laundry there, and helped out with chores such as mowing and cleaning for a few extra bucks. I'd also haul my mother all around town. My foodstamps just got cut by $80 dollars so I was relying heavily on them for meals. Well, things haven't been going well between myself and my mother.
After talking with several different counselors over the years they have all concluded that my mother has a mental illness of her very own, most likely borderline personality disorder. However, she doesn't think she has a problem so we can't get her into a doctor. My father and I and constantly placating her so she doesn't throw tantrums. Just recently she decided to start doing the neighbors yard work for them since they don't get outside to do it themselves. They are a healthy 30s something couple with 2 pugs and a baby. They could do their own work. My mother has a bad heart and doesn't need to be doing the extra work. but she does it anyways. I think she has a death wish.
She has recently begun to accuse me of not taking my medications. That is where I draw the line. When you start yelling at me saying I'm not taking my medication I will not stand for it. When she did it this time I just up and left. I was supposed to mow the yard for her. I left her to her own demise. She had to do the mowing all herself and finish the mess she made in the neighbors yard.
My father just blindly apologizes to her to keep her calm. I refuse to do so anymore. I'm not apologizing for her behaviors. My therapist told me I need to literally move out of town to get away from her and her antics. It's affecting my mental health. Well, since I can't afford to do that I'm going to just stop going over there. That, however, will cost me more $. I wont be getting the extra cash for doing chores and I will have to cook all my own meals and buy detergent to do my own coin laundry. I'm stuck. I guess I'm going to have to just bite the bullet and try to live more thirfty. I already have no internet or cable. There's not much I can cut from my budget. I'm really depressed.
Has anyone else had overbearing parents they've had to deal with?
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Bipolar Aggressions
Hello Everybody. I want to touch on aggressive behavior in bipolar patients today because I myself have been aggressively irritated lately. Aggressive irritation occurs when an irritating situation pushes you to explode, verbally or physically. It's an impulsive aggression, a rage. Something bothers you and you just explode. It scares me. I have to actively restrain myself from saying or doing something that could land me in jail. Luckily I haven't gotten into a run-in with the law yet. It really doesn't seem fair. It's bad enough to deal with bipolar disorder, but then to have these aggressive mood swings take over is terrifying. I feel a loss of control of my mood, a lot like when I'm experiencing PMDD (uber PMS).
Irritation is usually present in manic, hypomanic and mixed moods. Irritability is known to manifest as aggressiveness and impatience with, or intolerance of, others. One study have found that subjects with bipolar display greater rates of anger and aggressive behaviors, especially during acute and psychotic episodes. Other studies have robustly confirmed that the diagnosis of bipolar disorder confers a substantially elevated risk for aggressive behaviour, the risk is higher if comorbid diagnoses are present, and comorbidity rates are high. "Clinical and neurobiological links between suicide and outward aggression are particularly important. Patients with bipolar disorder who had a history of suicide attempt were compared with those without such a history. The attempters had significantly higher scores on scales measuring hostility and lifetime history of aggression. In a similar study of bipolar patients, suicide attempters were compared with non-attempters. The attempters had significantly higher levels of hostility measured by the Buss-Durkee scale with a notable difference on the Assault subscale that assesses overt physical aggression. They also showed higher level of non-planning impulsiveness on the Barratt scale. Impulsiveness and hostility were correlated in the attempter subset."
Irritability, un-cooperativeness, impatience and lack of insight are all symptoms I've been experiencing lately. I've jumped at any opportunity to engage with customer service reps at stores who are incompetent. Just this week I have gone off at my father's doctor office when I had to wait 7.5 hours for a simple procedure to be completed. When I'm forced to wait I get impatient and very irritable. I made sure those nurses knew I was pissed. I also dumped easy mac cheese powder all over the counter in the waiting room so they would have to clean it up. All sorts of ideas ran through my head, but since it was my father's doctor and not my own I decided there wasn't much else I could do to get even with these wenches who were making me and my family wait so long.
Just last night I went with my father to get his computer back from the Geek Squad at Best Buy. They totally messed up the invoice order and I went off. I wanted vindication. I had to keep myself from jumping over the damn counter and wringing this moron's neck.
When I feel wronged all sorts of things flash through my head, ways to get even. Harmful things to say or do. I've never acted on any physical impulses. If I had I would be in jail. I only ever get angry and shout. That's usually enough.
I have been on the depressed side of the spectrum lately which doesn't exactly help my moods either. I called my therapist's office and was put on a waiting list to get in sooner to talk to him if an appointment slot opens up. Not much else I can do for the time being. I'm simply trying to limit my interactions with people. The less I interact the less likely I will become frustrated and go off.
One day at a time...
Irritation is usually present in manic, hypomanic and mixed moods. Irritability is known to manifest as aggressiveness and impatience with, or intolerance of, others. One study have found that subjects with bipolar display greater rates of anger and aggressive behaviors, especially during acute and psychotic episodes. Other studies have robustly confirmed that the diagnosis of bipolar disorder confers a substantially elevated risk for aggressive behaviour, the risk is higher if comorbid diagnoses are present, and comorbidity rates are high. "Clinical and neurobiological links between suicide and outward aggression are particularly important. Patients with bipolar disorder who had a history of suicide attempt were compared with those without such a history. The attempters had significantly higher scores on scales measuring hostility and lifetime history of aggression. In a similar study of bipolar patients, suicide attempters were compared with non-attempters. The attempters had significantly higher levels of hostility measured by the Buss-Durkee scale with a notable difference on the Assault subscale that assesses overt physical aggression. They also showed higher level of non-planning impulsiveness on the Barratt scale. Impulsiveness and hostility were correlated in the attempter subset."
Irritability, un-cooperativeness, impatience and lack of insight are all symptoms I've been experiencing lately. I've jumped at any opportunity to engage with customer service reps at stores who are incompetent. Just this week I have gone off at my father's doctor office when I had to wait 7.5 hours for a simple procedure to be completed. When I'm forced to wait I get impatient and very irritable. I made sure those nurses knew I was pissed. I also dumped easy mac cheese powder all over the counter in the waiting room so they would have to clean it up. All sorts of ideas ran through my head, but since it was my father's doctor and not my own I decided there wasn't much else I could do to get even with these wenches who were making me and my family wait so long.
Just last night I went with my father to get his computer back from the Geek Squad at Best Buy. They totally messed up the invoice order and I went off. I wanted vindication. I had to keep myself from jumping over the damn counter and wringing this moron's neck.
When I feel wronged all sorts of things flash through my head, ways to get even. Harmful things to say or do. I've never acted on any physical impulses. If I had I would be in jail. I only ever get angry and shout. That's usually enough.
I have been on the depressed side of the spectrum lately which doesn't exactly help my moods either. I called my therapist's office and was put on a waiting list to get in sooner to talk to him if an appointment slot opens up. Not much else I can do for the time being. I'm simply trying to limit my interactions with people. The less I interact the less likely I will become frustrated and go off.
One day at a time...
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Various Bipolar Medications
Hello everyone! I thought today I would address some of the many medications prescribed to control bipolar disorder. Many caused me to have adverse side effects while taking them, and I will note those as well. Please feel free to comment to help others know what medications have worked best for you and what did not.
Lithium. Lithium (Lithobid, others) is effective at stabilizing mood and preventing the extreme highs and lows of certain categories of bipolar disorder and has been used for many years. Periodic blood tests are required, since lithium can cause thyroid and kidney problems. Common side effects include restlessness, dry mouth and digestive issues.
I was only on this for a short time. I had no notable side effects.
Anticonvulsants. These mood-stabilizing medications include valproic acid (Depakene, Stavzor), divalproex (Depakote) and lamotrigine (Lamictal). The medication asenapine (Saphris) may be helpful in treating mixed episodes. Depending on the medication you take, side effects can vary. Common side effects include weight gain, dizziness and drowsiness. Rarely, certain anticonvulsants cause more serious problems, such as skin rashes, blood disorders or liver problems.
I took Depakote and it caused weight gain and my hair to fall out. I noticed weight gain with Lamictal too. I am currently taking Saphris and satisfied. It is a sublingual and has an unpleasant taste, but no side effects.
Antipsychotics. Certain antipsychotic medications, such as aripiprazole (Abilify), olanzapine (Zyprexa), risperidone (Risperdal) and quetiapine (Seroquel), may help people who don't benefit from anticonvulsants. The only antipsychotic that's specifically approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for treating bipolar disorder is quetiapine. However, doctors can still prescribe other medications for bipolar disorder. This is known as off-label use. Side effects depend on the medication, but can include weight gain, sleepiness, tremors, blurred vision and rapid heartbeat. Weight gain in children is a significant concern. Antipsychotic use may also affect memory and attention and cause involuntary facial or body movements.
Abilify mad me photosensitive, burning in the direct sunlight in about a minute. I haven't been on Zyprexa, and Risperdal did not have any significant side effects. Seroquel would make me pass out for 13 hours plus at a time and gave me horrible night terrors.
Antidepressants. Depending on your symptoms, your doctor may recommend you take an antidepressant. In some people with bipolar disorder, antidepressants can trigger manic episodes, but may be OK if taken along with a mood stabilizer. The most common antidepressant side effects include reduced sexual desire and problems reaching orgasm. Older antidepressants, which include tricyclics and MAO inhibitors, can cause a number of potentially dangerous side effects and require careful monitoring.
I am currently taking the max dose of Welbutrin with success. No notable problems.
Symbyax. This medication combines the antidepressant fluoxetine and the antipsychotic olanzapine. It works as a depression treatment and a mood stabilizer. Symbyax is approved by the FDA specifically for the treatment of bipolar disorder. Side effects can include weight gain, drowsiness and increased appetite. This medication may also cause sexual problems similar to those caused by antidepressants.
This drug is new to me and I have never been prescibed it.
Benzodiazepines. These anti-anxiety medications may help with anxiety and improve sleep. Examples include clonazepam (Klonopin), lorazepam (Ativan), diazepam (Valium), chlordiazepoxide (Librium) and alprazolam (Niravam, Xanax). Benzodiazepines are generally used for relieving anxiety only on a short-term basis. Side effects can include drowsiness, reduced muscle coordination, and problems with balance and memory.
I have taken both Klonopin and Xanax. Both worked in relieving anxiety and improving sleep as needed. I however, tried not to rely on these medications because you can become chemically dependant.
Source
I hope this breakdown helps educate you about the different medications available for bipolar. Please leave comments!
Happy Hump Day!
Lithium. Lithium (Lithobid, others) is effective at stabilizing mood and preventing the extreme highs and lows of certain categories of bipolar disorder and has been used for many years. Periodic blood tests are required, since lithium can cause thyroid and kidney problems. Common side effects include restlessness, dry mouth and digestive issues.
I was only on this for a short time. I had no notable side effects.
Anticonvulsants. These mood-stabilizing medications include valproic acid (Depakene, Stavzor), divalproex (Depakote) and lamotrigine (Lamictal). The medication asenapine (Saphris) may be helpful in treating mixed episodes. Depending on the medication you take, side effects can vary. Common side effects include weight gain, dizziness and drowsiness. Rarely, certain anticonvulsants cause more serious problems, such as skin rashes, blood disorders or liver problems.
I took Depakote and it caused weight gain and my hair to fall out. I noticed weight gain with Lamictal too. I am currently taking Saphris and satisfied. It is a sublingual and has an unpleasant taste, but no side effects.
Antipsychotics. Certain antipsychotic medications, such as aripiprazole (Abilify), olanzapine (Zyprexa), risperidone (Risperdal) and quetiapine (Seroquel), may help people who don't benefit from anticonvulsants. The only antipsychotic that's specifically approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for treating bipolar disorder is quetiapine. However, doctors can still prescribe other medications for bipolar disorder. This is known as off-label use. Side effects depend on the medication, but can include weight gain, sleepiness, tremors, blurred vision and rapid heartbeat. Weight gain in children is a significant concern. Antipsychotic use may also affect memory and attention and cause involuntary facial or body movements.
Abilify mad me photosensitive, burning in the direct sunlight in about a minute. I haven't been on Zyprexa, and Risperdal did not have any significant side effects. Seroquel would make me pass out for 13 hours plus at a time and gave me horrible night terrors.
Antidepressants. Depending on your symptoms, your doctor may recommend you take an antidepressant. In some people with bipolar disorder, antidepressants can trigger manic episodes, but may be OK if taken along with a mood stabilizer. The most common antidepressant side effects include reduced sexual desire and problems reaching orgasm. Older antidepressants, which include tricyclics and MAO inhibitors, can cause a number of potentially dangerous side effects and require careful monitoring.
I am currently taking the max dose of Welbutrin with success. No notable problems.
Symbyax. This medication combines the antidepressant fluoxetine and the antipsychotic olanzapine. It works as a depression treatment and a mood stabilizer. Symbyax is approved by the FDA specifically for the treatment of bipolar disorder. Side effects can include weight gain, drowsiness and increased appetite. This medication may also cause sexual problems similar to those caused by antidepressants.
This drug is new to me and I have never been prescibed it.
Benzodiazepines. These anti-anxiety medications may help with anxiety and improve sleep. Examples include clonazepam (Klonopin), lorazepam (Ativan), diazepam (Valium), chlordiazepoxide (Librium) and alprazolam (Niravam, Xanax). Benzodiazepines are generally used for relieving anxiety only on a short-term basis. Side effects can include drowsiness, reduced muscle coordination, and problems with balance and memory.
I have taken both Klonopin and Xanax. Both worked in relieving anxiety and improving sleep as needed. I however, tried not to rely on these medications because you can become chemically dependant.
Source
I hope this breakdown helps educate you about the different medications available for bipolar. Please leave comments!
Happy Hump Day!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Have You Had One of These Days?
Hi there everyone! Have you had one of those days where you seem to get bad news from the moment you awake? Things just seem to go wrong at every turn? The things that go wrong are minuscule by themselves, but added as a whole they feel overwhelming? I have had these days in the past, and most recently this past week. Days like this have caused me to quit several respectable jobs in the banking industry. The position that I last quit due to stressful circumstances was caused by a terrible day. I now know that I was experiencing panic attacks. They were so intense I thought I was having a heart attack and I resigned. What, however, was the real cause of these panic attacks?
When I look back on the day I resigned I had a feeling of being attacked that day. Not physically attacked, but spiritually. Things just did not go my way. I had issues with clients all day long, and unusual problems arose. I felt helpless. I had a day like this just last week. From the moment I awoke (to a phone call with bad news) I had a series of unfortunate events occur in which I felt attacked again. Nothing seemed to go right. When I reflect back on the day, things were of course never as bad as I interpreted them. In the big scheme of things waiting an extra hour at the doctor's office for an appointment isn't a big deal. However, I was pacing and my thoughts were racing as I held back tears. For some reason, when the events were happening I felt almost out of control and on the brink of tears. Something was influencing my moods.
When I discussed this with my therapist he explained that it could in fact be some sort of spiritual attack. Who knows. There is of course no way to prove why I felt the way I did those days and why things kept going wrong. I think his is a plausible explanation. I know my hormones and chemical levels in my brain play a vital role in how I experience the world, but I also can sense when something else is at play. I feel that those of use with bipolar and other mental illnesses are more open and susceptible to spiritual attacks because our minds work differently than others. I think our brains are wired differently. What do you think? Leave comments!
When I look back on the day I resigned I had a feeling of being attacked that day. Not physically attacked, but spiritually. Things just did not go my way. I had issues with clients all day long, and unusual problems arose. I felt helpless. I had a day like this just last week. From the moment I awoke (to a phone call with bad news) I had a series of unfortunate events occur in which I felt attacked again. Nothing seemed to go right. When I reflect back on the day, things were of course never as bad as I interpreted them. In the big scheme of things waiting an extra hour at the doctor's office for an appointment isn't a big deal. However, I was pacing and my thoughts were racing as I held back tears. For some reason, when the events were happening I felt almost out of control and on the brink of tears. Something was influencing my moods.
When I discussed this with my therapist he explained that it could in fact be some sort of spiritual attack. Who knows. There is of course no way to prove why I felt the way I did those days and why things kept going wrong. I think his is a plausible explanation. I know my hormones and chemical levels in my brain play a vital role in how I experience the world, but I also can sense when something else is at play. I feel that those of use with bipolar and other mental illnesses are more open and susceptible to spiritual attacks because our minds work differently than others. I think our brains are wired differently. What do you think? Leave comments!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)